The dawn was just waking. And the dew still lingered on the tip of the light green grasses .As I stared at those dew drop, my eyes blurred with tears and colors danced in front of my eyes.
“Oh! Why did you leave me my love?”
It’s too much... I can’t do this anymore.
I can’t see anything. The endless green that was around me or the waking dawn that was supposed to be beautiful... Neither can I feel the dew drops on the grass I was kneeling on, all I can see was her face, smiling, dancing in front of my eyes. It’s so not fair. When my eyes got clearer I stared at the black marbled grave.
I lingered into the memories that came to me, she smiling, her face so beautiful.. She was so excited. She was about to blow the candles and I can almost hear her wish, everyone was singing a birthday wish, Even me. As she looked at me she smiled. Did I smile back? I must not have. My smiles were stolen from me with hers. Her bright face was dulling as she looked at me.
No! No! Don’t be sad. I don’t… I can’t...
It has started to drizzle and it was somehow very unfair, it’s as if the whole surrounding is grieving, I was staring at the white Lilies I left on the Black marble. She loved Lilies. Does she know I’m here .Does she feels...? Is she wishing for me, even after so long, the way I wish she was with me? Is she too far for that...? I don’t think that’s true….. I can feel her presence in the wind, in the slow drizzle.
I was staring at the pearls on her dress. I’m afraid to look at her face, her eyes. I know they will be smeared black. I am afraid to see her tears. “Ana! Please you have to understand. I don’t want to continue this relationship. I went too far... But this has to stop.” I was saying. I can see the pearls quivering. She is shaking. I can hear her sob. I can also feel my eyes filling but I bit my lips and suppressed those tears, she has to understand. I held her hand
“You are breaking up with me”, her voice was barely a murmur. “Noel ...How can you...can you really!” She was really sobbing. I looked at her eyes. Accusation …Pain. She is in agony. Why Oh Why!
“I’m so sorry! But you need to see. This is not the end, you have a life... Please... Understand…” I wish my words could reach her
“Let go off me.” She murmured. I was still uncoordinated. I didn’t hear. Then she yelled, “Noel! Let go off me... You are just the same... Let go.” She ran. I yelled her not to. Oh Ana don’t run that way. But I was too slow. Too late. Before she fell into that elevator shaft.
“No! Anastasia!”
I didn’t realize I had closed my eyes. I opened them. The surrounding and light was getting brighter. Green and so many graves. Each having their own stories to say. So many tears. So many grief. Maybe I was just a small part of it. My story may be insignificant. But how happy I was that day. The eve before. Lying in the bed. Staring at the ring I was holding. A simple platinum band, no stones, just elegant, just the way she likes it. How would someone want to put a stone on her? Her glowing blue eyes are so much more beautiful than any precious stone. I am supposed to sleep; I have to travel from Oregon all the way to Forks. But how can I sleep. It’s my dear Ana’s birthday. She will be so pretty and I am going to ask for her hand. I was totally lost in thought and didn’t realize my phone was ringing. I struggled with the phone to pick up before it went to voice mail.
“Hello Noel; I am Greson Carls, I believe you already know who I am”. Came a rather stern voice
“Yes, I am well aware, Sir.” My replying voice was doubtful and concern.
“Well! Then it’s easier for me. I also believe you know in what kind of family my daughter grew up in. Now coming to the point. I came to know that she is in love and realized you are the person she chose. As far as I can see. She is well into it and I don’t suppose I can knock some sense into her. The main problem is I don’t approve of your marriage and I am aware you are ready to propose her and I say well against it.” He said; voice turning serious and a little threatening.
“But, Sir ... She loves me and I am in love with her. I can’t stand with your decision. I do wish for your blessing. Don’t make this difficult, Sir.” I said, trying to be confident, I was expecting a denial from him but not at this magnitude.
“Love! I don’t believe in love much. It’s a feeling. Far from reality. My daughter is blind and not understanding when it comes to you. She doesn’t know what she wants. That is why it is my responsibility to take this decision for her.”
“It is not exactly your decision to take. She is old enough to make her own choices and so am I. I believe I can take care of her. She will be happy with me.” My voice rang an octave higher.
“Happy! You believe you can make her happy.” Deep sarcasm. “Is this some kind of joke? I know your age, reckless, blind, naive, this love and bliss you feel will wear off after a while. She grew up in a world much brighter than yours. Her needs are more luxurious than you can afford .She may adjust, but how long can she adjust and be happy. Far from the world she knows. What you can give is nothing compared to what she can have if she live choosing my decision. You think taking away things from her is how you want your love to do for her. If you truly love her. Don’t you want her to be happy? For her to have a good life. Do you think your love, your stupid love can compensate for her life. A life she would have had if you didn’t come to her life. Are you that selfish?”
“But Sir, I do love . . .” My voice trailed off. Her life... Her needs.. What was I thinking...? I would hurt her... What should I do…?
“I don’t need to hear your buts anymore. If you truly love her. You would do what is right for her. I can’t ask her to break up with .i am trusting you to do that. As soon as possible. Tomorrow would be best. She doesn’t need any more hope. That is all there to say. I believe I made myself very clear. I don’t intent to say this to you again. For my daughter, do this.” The line went dead. I sat there, I couldn’t move. What just happened...? My Dreams ... Wishes... Everything... Why is the world so cruel? Why it is that after all this time still money becomes the Ruler, even life and love doesn’t hold value. When did the world get so dark?
But I can’t go against his words either. Her life. I would make her unhappy. I can’t give her the things she need. My life is nothing like hers. And I can’t give her the life she lived. My eyes overflowed. The ring in my hand suddenly looks like a joke.
The world is so unfair. If I had the guts to prove him right then. If I had known the future. If I hadn’t lost her like that. I sat there staring at those inscribed lines with a lot of ‘ifs’ in my mind.
The God called back her good soul far too early,
Anastasia Carls
11 June 1991 – 11 June 2012.
Will you marry me my heart
Nesna. P M
S4 B A English
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